The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
