Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
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I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
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I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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