dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My cat gives me a boner
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
