Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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