dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
