My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize
