i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
