Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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