He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
