i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
