I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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