It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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