my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
