U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
