He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
