Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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