im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
