I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
