so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
