Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
