I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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