In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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