There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
