Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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