I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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