Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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