You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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