You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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