You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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