He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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