Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
