i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
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The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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