Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
