i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
