Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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