So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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