Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
