He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
