i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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