Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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