good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
