i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
