today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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