1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
