the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
