I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
