If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
