I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
