thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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