I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
