did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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