we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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