Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
