yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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