well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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