The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
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Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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