i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
