yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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