So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
