I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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