What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
