dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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