the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
