You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
