Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Randomize
