I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
