Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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