he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
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Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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