i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
