i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
