Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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