....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
