You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
